Right Person, Wrong time..!!!

 Right Person, Wrong time...!!!!

by Sonali Rawat

At least once in lifetime, we all fall prey to this “Right person, Wrong time!” Not sure how much of this shit is true, but I fell for it too!!! 

It feels different. 

Weird !

The look that you see in someone’s eyes when they are simply talking and eating along with you. The feeling you can get like all the strings of your heart’s guitar have been touched at once. When you want to live and die at the same moment, when you do not know if it is nostalgia, depression, the feeling of longing-ness, or just the void in your heart which aches to be filled. That feeling of being loved and not being loved in the same moment. 

Excruciating! 

But, I should probably start from the start…. 

I came to the town to forget about few pains and to relive some of the past memories. To know myself again, the part of me which I had forgotten and lost in the life’s journey. This journey which has always been my own choice. No body forced me into this but that is how things unfolded for me. 

It was just supposed to be another night of some fun, drinks and women. Oh! Do not get me wrong, I am straight af.. but the girl’s night has its own charm. 

Here I was, getting dolled up in my new favourite dress with my ever evolving love for make-up. I was already 2 bottles of beer down when the conversations in that not so big but a lot cozy home; started. 

M - Super fun, Super delicious, Super supportive and Super independent. She became my new friend and gossip partner. But now, she was spoiling my mood. Just when we were about to hit the pub, she received a call to go and pick up her son. Aahhh... grrhhhh… Not my favourite task you people. Anyways, we talked her out of it and she agreed. But just during those fun conversations, she told me about HIM. The bitch me was never interested. I had it in me that I was done with all males on this planet. Even a male DOG. They all were anyways equivalent. 

So, finally we hit the party and I am already sloshed ( plan achieved for the night ) and super fun to be around. This is because I get fun drunk, I am everybody’s favourite to be around when I am drunk. 

There goes some amazing music, some to-die for moves ( I am a born dancer BTW ) and a lot of fun with my ladies. Ain’t no care in the world, I let my hair down and drank to the night. So much so, I forgot what can happen after a bit of Tequila to me :( 

I totally forgot, yet I did it. Some Tequila and some of me, mixed together - you will get the best combination you can ever wish for. While that Tequila was doing its rounds in my not-so-toned stomach, I was dancing my way to the night on some absolutely ridiculous peppy numbers; I saw HIM. BUT, being the bitch me, I ignored. 

However,  that saying goes - Do not be too ignorant, it just comes and haunts you back. Well, that was absolutely true to the point here. 

I walk up to the table we had, and I was introduced to HIM. Decent in a devilish way, cute in a sexy way, gentleman in public, bad boy in private, not so tall yet so perfect, not so talkative, yet spoken thousand words from his ever talking eyes. He was just simply standing there and waving ‘hi’ to me. I had to respond, so I did. And then the bitch came over and I ignored him, yet again. Phhheewww...... I thought I dodged the bullet there, but then — come on, silly me, how can things ever be sober when it is Tequila and me ;-)

Last time, when I had Tequila in my life, I do not even remember the night after that. What I did or what actually happened, nothing of it. I just know I screwed up big time and had a bad headache the next morning. Anyways, not the point here. Scratch that. 

So… where were we … oh yes, HIM!!!!! 

All fun and games, I keep ignoring him through the night, mainly coz; he was my friend’s son. It doesn’t fit the eco-system of our society and it does not allow me to feel anything. BUT….. Then I simply go ahead and say ‘ I am gonna sit next to him and eat’ uhh.. such a classic I pulled… Shameful!!! 

I go and sit next to him, and he watches me do that slowly, like a turtle trying to hide in shell yet trying to take a gaze at the outside world. He simply smiles. He has got a cute smile BTW. 

Now, we sit and we talk. He is looking into my eyes and I am looking into his. Suddenly, as they say in movies, the world fades apart. Part of me wants to run away from this situation and part of me just want to stay. We talk but I hardly remember it coz it is our bodies dancing in the everlasting cosmos for now. I feel him and he feels me, without even touching. I see all the colours of this universe in his eyes and he just keeps smiling at me like an adult smiling at a baby after giving him his loved toy. I do not know what else to say but I do have a sense of people watching us. Everybody looking at us. I skip several heart beats and just when it was not enough, he gives me a heartache - ‘Wish I had my guitar and I would play it right here.’ That was the end of the cosmos for me. I knew in my mind and in my soul that I am inviting trouble by all means. I had to get up and leave this situation right as is regardless of what he thinks, and regardless of what I think of me later on. COWARD!!!! 

We wrap up the party and we all head home. 

I did the ultimate mistake of sitting in the front seat of the car with him. Girls, never ever do that. If you are crushing over someone, and it is not followed by the eco-system of the society, it is stupid to sit with him in the front seat of the car. 

Well, it is actually more stupid to hold his hand and then allow him to rub it off through his thumb. 

In that moment, I felt, I was not alone in this cosmos of super intertwined feelings. It was both of us. 

I never told him this, but — 

“My idea of Soulmate says that Soulmates are two individuals who are bound to each other by an unknown force. These individuals gravitate towards one another and their paths continue to cross until they are one. 

You can tell your soulmate by the light in their eyes, and since time began, that has been how people have recognised their true love.”

He doesn’t know it yet. He has a life to live and many roads to travel. I have had the same anxieties as him and the same fear as him. I have been there where he is standing right now. He wouldn’t know unless he wants to know, unless he wants to explore that part of him which he keeps suppressed and hidden. He is not afraid of the world , he is most afraid of himself. The ‘what if’ questions in his life which do not allow him to breathe to his full potential. But I know he will figure it out, sooner or later. In time! 

My heart’s tradition uses a different process; a kind of vision that shows a point of light above the left shoulder of your soulmate. Since, there are more than one soulmate for each of us, our recognition to their existence never varies. But I wouldn’t tell him all of this, not just yet, he might one day learn to see that point of light, or he might not. But that is for him to figure out himself. 

It is only by ‘taking risks’ … By risking failures, disappointments, disillusion, but never ceasing in your search for Love, that you get to know the real YOU. Your soul talks to you and you become part of this nature which has been beautifully crafted by the universe in its own big plan. As long as you keep looking, you will triumph in the end.

I know it is hard to believe, but throughout the way to the home on that night, through the holding hands and stupid talks I was having with him. I was feeling all of this. It is hard to believe but it is true. 

We finally made it to home, and I did not want to go. He did not want to let go of me either. I thought he was just drunk and crazy. 

He did not feel true to me at that point. Plus the notion of the society does not allow us to feel what we were feeling. 

Accept what life offers you and try to drink from every cup. All wines should be tasted; some should only be sipped, but with others, drink the whole bottle. He was my whole bottle of one fine red wine at that moment!! 

I head upstairs and he followed me. In one second which felt like millions of years, we kissed. He kissed me and I kissed him. The passion felt like spark from touching an electric wire. There were firecrackers all around me and we both were flying in the air. The touch was new but it felt so old, like we have done this before, like we have been together before. In some other lifetime and in some other world may be. Not this world. A world which I do not know the existence of, but I trust that it does exist. A world which is not bound by time, humans, traditions, but only stitched with feelings. A world where all the souls exists before they enter the human form. A world where all soul-contracts are made and where I had met him in some lifetime and in some other form. 

We separated and he left. It just took one kiss to recognise what we were and what we could be. It scared me to death but it also ignited my soul in a way which was hard to explain and can only be felt. 

When you are in love, you are capable of learning everything and knowing things you had never dared even to think, because love is the key to understanding of all the mysteries of this world. 

People give flowers as present because flowers contain true meaning of love. Anyone who tries to posses a flower will have to watch its beauty fading. But if you simply look at a flower in the field or a garden, you’ll keep it forever. That is what I learnt with you. 

That you will never be mine, and that is why I will never lose you..!!!!